Queer Beacon

Burn After Reading (2008) - Shipwreck 4

Burn After Reading is better than mediocre, but not quite good. In the movie, Brad Pitt and Frances McDormand are world class losers who come across top secret info that John Malkovich lost (he plays an former CIA employee).  The two retards go on a quest to try to get money in exchange for the information they found -- they go to the CIA and the Russians trying to sell the info. Bad idea.

Brad Pitt was pretty bad in his portrayal of a stupid personal trainer and so was Frances in her protrayal of a shallow gym employee craving love and plastic surgery. Tilda was the only one doing some acting in the movie (she plays John Malkovich's wife, a cold and bitter bitch).

We have a tiny bit of bad gay content. In one scene, John Malkovich is talking to a colleague when the colleague realizes a guy is staring at John Malkovich, at which point the colleague asks John whether "he turned poof on me"...the tone was pretty derogatory.

3:10 to Yuma (2007) - No Gay Content

Every now and then I will forget how much I hate Western movies and I will go see something like 3:10 to Yuma.  Here's my basic beef with Westerns: they glorify bad guys -- and there's a lot of that in this one. 

In 3:10 to Yuma, Russel Crowe is the badass robber who is aprehended and needs to be delivered to a train heading to prison.  Christian Bale is the good guy who helps the law enforcement folks in their effort to put Russel in jail.  The movie is pretty boring except that the last half hour gets pretty interesting; the result is still a mediocre movie, though.

On some level, I think Russel and Christian fell in love with each other, but maybe that was just in head...no actual gay content was present.

Now I just have to forget my hate for Western movies one more time to go see Jesse James when/if it comes out.

Death at a Funeral (2007) - Shipwreck 3

In Death at a Funeral, Matthew MacFadyen's dad dies and his funeral is a complete disaster.  We see all sorts of uncomfortable situations -- all (poorly) tied up by a single bottle of Valium (actually filled with some sort of acid).

The movie relies way too much on the workings of the powered-up-Valium pills, which keep crossing the paths of many of the invitees and supporting the mayhem.

The first victim of the crazy Valium pill is Alan Tudyk, who then goes on to spend most of the movie high and naked.

In addition to the Valium plot, the story pretty much revolves around Peter Dinklage's character and his affair with the dead guy (we learn that from the trailer).  With the Shipwreck rating, you can tell I did not like the way in which the gayety was handled. 

To the movie's credit, I couldn't tell any homophobic slurs, but still, I couldn't help but come out of the movie with the impression we were made fun of in a bad way.  My hubby seems to agree with my take on the movie, but a great friend (gay, also Brazilian, hot and sort of single) who saw the movie with me thoroughly enjoyed it -- I think he was not at all bothered by the portrayal of the gays.  I don't know, maybe just the bitter old queens are bothered by this one...

I will talk about the gay content in Death at a Funeral after the jump (I will reveal a lot, be warned).

Fur (2006) - LightShed 8

This one is pretty creepy, but in a nice way. 

Fur's main character is called Diane Arbus (played by Nicole Kidman) -- the movie goes out of its way to make sure we know the story is not about real-life photographer artist Diane Arbus. 

In the movie, Kidman is fascinated with people who are usually thought of as freaks.  She is not fascinated as one would be in a circus, she really feels alive around different people. She befriends a few trannies and gays.  That was super nice.

The movie gets creepy as she falls for a uberhairy Robert Downey Jr. and cheats on her perfectly hot husband (played by Ty Burrell).

The movie is well put together, the acting is decent, but if you actually see this one, you should see it because of its kitsch value (in any case, don't expect much).  The flick is out on DVD.

Becoming Jane (2007) - No Gay Content

The movie is mediocre, and Anne Hathaway's performance is not all that.

In Becoming Jane, Anne is Jane Austen; we are offered a boring look into her impossible romance with Tom Lefroy, played by butt-ugly James McAvoy. 

Don't expect much from this one.

A Mighty Heart (2007) - No Gay Content

I really wanted to like this movie, the real-life story on which it is based is touching and deserving of a great portrayal, but somehow the movie fails to deliver, and I don't know exactly what was off.  Angelina was fine (not excellent, but fine), and the supporting actors did their job too, so I can't really put my finger on the problems of this mediocre movie.

A Mighty Heart tells us the real-life story of Daniel Pearl (played by Dan Futterman), a journalist kidnapped in Pakistan and his wife's quest to try to get her hubby back; the wife, Mariane Pearl, is played Angelina.

There is no gay content in the movie, except that this FBI agent played by Jilian Armenante gave me major lesbo vibes (like, major), but we don't get any indication that she is indeed a lesbian in the movie.

I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007) - LightShed 10

I cannot believe how much buzz this movie got.  The actors (Kevin James, Adam Sandler, and Jessica Biel) were everywhere.  You turned on your TV and there they were, promoting Chuck & Larry. 

If you watched pretty much any TV show during the past month or so, you know that Chuck & Larry is about two firefighters (Kevin and Adam) getting into a domestic partnership in order for Larry (Kevin James) to maintain pension related benefits for his kids, a little girl and a little gay boy.

The movie is mediocre.  Maybe reading a few bad reviews will help you lower your expectations and allow you to enjoy the movie -- that kinda worked for me.

As for gay content, there is a lot of it, of course.  A lot of it, especially in the first half of the movie, is really bad on the gay side.  Really bad.  I will talk about that first, and then about what in the movie makes me think it deserves the highest positive gay rating on the Beacon: LightShed 10.  I will talk about the positive stuff after the jump because it will ruin the plot.

I see four really big problems with Chuck & Larry: (i) it suggests gays should not get rights lest people abuse the system with all sorts of fake marriages/domestic partnerships; (ii) Adam Sandler (whom we are made to like and stay on his side) uses "faggot" to refer to gays; (iii) Adam Sandler hits Kevin James hard on the face when Kevin approaches him with kissing intentions; and (iv) Kevin and Adam give Kevin's gay son a hard time for being gay-bound (the kid likes musical theater, etc.).

I think the movie overcomes the problems above, except for the first one, and that is very sad.  Gays are in need of rights and acceptance so that they can be happy and stop being bashed and killed on a daily basis.  I think that, despite the effort made in the movie to the contrary (I talk about that effort after the jump), there's still a message that fraud can occur, and that is a message that assholes like Bill O'Reilly, who might be looking for a cheap, idiotic, argument against gay rights, will find in Chuck & Larry.  So, that's really bad.

Beforing moving on to the positive aspects of the movie, let me address an important criticism the movie has received.  I read somewhere that one reason the movie was homophobic was the fact that the gays in the movie were mostly stereotypical characters, basically queeny, effeminate guys, particularly the gay son and this firefighter who is all macho and then, when it turns out that he is actually gay, he turns into a flaming 'mo the minute he comes out. 

I can see how stereotypes hurt people and how stereotypes shouldn't be encouraged.  But I think the argument against stereotypes of gays as super happy queens is actually based on a not so noble argument; the argument may actually be: If there were no effeminate / queeny gay men, it is possible that we would already have equal rights because we would have an easier case for how normal gay people are; it would be easier to show that we really are equal and "normal".  But that is not what life and happiness should be about.  Life should be about people being happy no matter how they look, talk, walk, etc.  What the hell is the problem with a guy being effeminate?  Again, I know society sees that as a problem, but why do we have to comply with assigned roles?  Here's what needs to be changed: people who see a problem in an effeminate man (or a butch woman, at that).  That's where the problem lies.  The mind of those people, that's what needs changing.  And, mind you, that sadly includes a lot -- I mean a lot -- of gays too.  People need to accept that a man can be effeminate and that a woman can be butch and everything else in-between.  Femmies and butchies are people just like you and me, and deserve the dignity all human beings deserve.  So, you need to seriously reconsider your views on effeminate men and butch women if you have a problem with them.  They must be embraced and that needs to start with us gays.

Just one last think before jumping into the reasons why I think the movie deserves a LightShed 10. The movie is surprisingly racist towards the Chinese.  Adam Sandler tries to get a few nasty laughs out of this Chinese guy in the movie.  Not nice.

Read on for the remaining of my gay discussion, or go see this mediocre, but very gay-important, movie.

Fantastic Four: The Rise of The Silver Surfer (2007) - LightShed 5

If you are going to see Fantastic Four just to see Chris Evans shirtless, don't.  You can check that after the jump (via Totty).  The only legitimate reason you could have to see this mediocre movie is the special effects, those are cool, everything else sucked -- the acting chiefly.

In this installment of Fantastic Four, the Silver Surfer (played by Doug Jones) comes from outer space to destroy our poor little planet (like we need somebody else to destroy us). 

Not-aging-well Julian McMahon (Dr. Doom) joins the team to help  (or does he?).

The movie doesn't really have any gay content, but there are two quick scenes that involves gayety nonetheless.  In one of the scenes, Ioan Gruffudd (Mr. Fantastic, aka Flaccid Man) acts all macho and stand up against this bully army general -- after his hissy fit Jessica Alba (wearing contact lenses borrowed from the set of the Exorcist) says that the fit made her all hot for her man, to which Chris Evans concurs, embracing Mr. Fantastic from behind saying he is hot for Mr. Fantastic too! -- it's just a guy fooling around, but from Ioan's look at the end, he did not mind the attention:

[photos from Towle]

In the other scene, a not so nice one, Chris kisses The Thing repeatedly on the face and The Thing says Chris is making him uncomfortable, and pushes him away.  Stupid Thing, if Chris wants to kiss you, let the man kiss you!!

There's more Chris after the jump.

Bug (2007) - LightShed 9

I am ambivalent about Bug.  The movie is very well done, the acting is solid across the board, everybody is good in it, especially Ashley Judd -- her performance in Bug brought me memories of Charlize Theron in Monster for some reason (and that was one of the best performances ever).  But the movie itself, the plot, is such a crazy downer. 

So, I can't really recommend the movie.  Basically, Ashley Judd plays a woman who's been through a lot, she gets a nasty visit from her ex-husband who's fresh out of prison (played by a hot Harry Connick Jr.) and she invites this stranger (played by Michael Shannon) to stay with her -- next thing you know, they start seeing bugs everywhere.

We had some interesting gay content. 

Ashley works at a small town lesbian bar for a living, and she is best friends with this super cute lesbian-co-worker (played well by Lynn Collins).  There is quite a bit of info on Lynn adopting a child, and about other lesbians and all.  Ashley kisses Lynn on the lips (a goodbye-type kiss) a couple of times.  All very sweet.  Nasty Harry Connick Jr. curses a few times against our lesbian and Ashley's new guest (Michael Shannon), but Harry is a total loser, so no harm there.  Moreover, our lesbian character seems to be one of the few sane people in the story; so, kudos for the portrayal of us gays!

The Invisible (2007) - No Gay Content

In The Invisible, Justin Chatwin is brutally attacked by this bully of a girl; she thinks he snitched on her for robbing some jewelry.  His soul gets out of his body on a quest for justice.  Watch the trailer.

It's all pretty bad until it gets a little more interesting, if I told you why it would ruin the plot, though. 

Margarita Leviera (the bully) is okay in the movie but the acting is bad otherwise: Marcia Gay Harden, who can be excellent, is pretty sucky here (she plays Justin's self-absorbed rich bossy mom); Justin was also kinda sucky, and I think he has potential.  Remember him as a gay drug dealer on Weeds?  He was also pretty good as The Bitch's rebellious son in War of the Worlds.  Oh, and he can be cute too, like when he had this short hair for a Lost cameo -- he played an undercover cop there:

But he does not look hot with the feathered hair:

We also get to see a new hottie, bad guy Alex O'Loughlin:

No gay content.