Queer Beacon

Open Water 2: Adrift (2006) - LightShed 5

I actually liked this one.  In Open Water 2, we see Eric Dane shirtless the entire movie, agonizing with his hot fellas (old high school buddies) in the open sea.  Here's the plot: they all hop into the ocean, all of them -- and, get this, they forget to lower the ladder necessary for reboarding.  Don't you just hate when that happens?

Right in the beginning of the movie, Susan May Pratt, an old fling of Dane's, is holding her baby when she and Niklaus Lange (one of the buddies on the boat) barge into a room where Eric Dane (looking like a real boat captain) is banging some Barbie; walking away from the incident, Niklaus says something like: "Now that baby is going to grow up to be a Popeye lover or a lesbian." Okay, right?

Then later, Eric Dane is making a toast in celebration of his best friend's birthday (that's Niklaus), and at the end of the toast Eric praises Niklaus "great ass." 

Oh, and did I mention Eric Dane is shirtless, and then naked (although we don't actually see much) the entire movie?

Ocean's Thirteen (2007) - No Gay Content

The hot guys are back.  This time they use all their cool and smarts to take on Al Pacino, a Las Vegas mogul who's done Elliott Gould wrong (Elliot plays Reuben, one of the guys).  Because Al tried to mess with one of them, they all turn against him and devise a plan to take down this brand new fancy hotel-casino Al is opening in Vegas. 

For me, this was clearly the worst of the three movies, but still, it was watchable. 

We now the guys are all cool and smart and hot, but in Ocean's Thirteen they keep trying (too hard) to out-smart everybody, like, at every single scene, and that's all that there is to the movie -- too much of it.  That element was present in the two previous installments, but this time it got to me...

There was no gay content, except perhaps for this one scene in which Carl Reiner kinda gropes Al Pacino's ass, and Al Pacino does nothing -- Al thinks the guy is a big shot hotel reviewer and thinks it's better to let the grope go unchallenged...that could be a gay pass/taunt as much as a hetero domination thing, like Carl was peeing around Pacino or something. Anyway, no gay content.

The Oh in Ohio (2006) - LightShed 8

By Guest Reviewer Jimbo.Info

Queen of Quirk Parker Posey plays a convincing frigid wife on a quest to find her first real orgasm.

On her journey she gets to know her vagina through a brief addiction to vibrators and a sexuality coaching session with Liza Minnelli. 

If that isn't gay enough for you, her pursuit takes her to try a same-sex encounter, eventually frustrating her lesbian bedmate.

Paul Rudd plays the disgruntled husband who tries to restore his lost manhood during a tryst with one of his students.  Bears will enjoy the bearded Rudd, who is handsomely chunky in a few scenes.

The cliche of a reinvigorated romance after the couple explores relationships outside their failing marriage is sidestepped when Posey's character meets a frumpy pool salesman, played by an entertaining Danny DeVito.

The unlikely surprise ending, great acting and good writing make this a worthwhile visit to the theater.

The Omen (2006) - No Gay Content

Bad movie.  I even saw it at 6:06 -- I was all in the mood for a horror movie, but The Omen did not hit the spot.

You will jump your seat a few times, but that won't be enough to keep you interested. 

Here, Liev Schreiber is an American diplomat.  His wife (Julia Stiles) gives birth to the devil in Italy.  Super sweet, right?

Mia Farrow is a nanny who protects Satan.  Mia was superb, Julia was okay, Liev disappointed me big time.

No content for our gay movie review.

Off the Map (2003) - Shipwreck 4

Good movie.  I started thinking the movie was awful, really bad.  But it got better.  Here, Sam Elliott is battling depression.  Jim True-Frost is an IRS agent who goes to the middle of nowhere place where Sam Elliott lives with his family on a $5,000 income.  The IRS agent falls for Sam Elliott's wife, played by Joan Allen, and decides to stay.  Sam Elliott is pretty good in the movie.

There is quite a bit of male bonding in the movie, but nothing major, and far from gay.

But there is gay content.  Bad gay content.  In the first 10 minutes of the movie Sam Elliot's daughter, a girl played by Valentina de Angelis says J.K. Simmons' character is a "little light in the loafers."  J.K. is Sam's best friend in the movie.  When Joan Allen asks what's that supposed to mean, the girl goes: "it means he's queer."  The girl had been happy J.K. went way, although that could be because the supposed queer would be after her father - who is married to her mother.  But not nice in a little girl.  And the parents are super nice and grown up, not hicks, so it is a bit confusing that the girl got homophobia all on her own.  The Shipwreck rating is not lower because later in the movie we learn that the girl is very very fond of J.K.  Shame on the movie anyway.