Queer Beacon

Eastern Promises (2007) - Shipwreck 2

Cronenberg's superb A History of Violence left me with high expectations for his next movie, and that is, in a way, unfair to Eastern Promises.  EP is a great movie, but it is not even in the same category with A History of Violence.  The building blocks of EP's plot are quite interesting, but the execution, the details (especially the ancillary dialogs) are lame; distracting at best (like the cheesy-ass attempts at comedy from Naomi's racist uncle).

In Eastern Promises, Naomi Watts is a nurse who helps out a teenage mother.  The teenage girls dies during labor and Naomi feels like she needs to find out the whereabouts of the girl's family so that the baby can be sent them.  In her quest for information, she becomes entangled with the Russian mafia.  We have Armin Mueller-Stahl as the big boss, Vincent Cassel as his son, and Viggo Mortensen as the family's, uh, driver.  That's all you need to know.

In Eastern Promises you get the gory violence Cronenberg is famous for right in the first few minutes.  There are other gory scenes, one of which is quite original.  Viggo fights two guys -- totally naked.  The two guys are not naked but Viggo is, which, I think, adds a very interesting layer of risk to the fight.  We see Viggo's parts swinging left and right, dodging the blades and small knifes.  Superb.

Eastern Promises packs quite a bit of gay content, but my discussion of the homo scenes will ruin the part of the plot.

The Simpsons Movie (2007) - LightShed 7

I am not the biggest fan of the TV show, but for some reason I was really waiting for The Simpsons Movie and was expecting a lot from it; unfortunately, the movie does not deliver as many laughs as I had expected.  You will get quite a few laughs, for sure, but you should probably lower your expectations.

In The Simpsons Movie, Homer does something really stupid (surprise!) which causes the city to be trapped into this huge glass dome; after that, all sorts of madness and mayhem ensue. 

The citizens of Springfield find out it is all Homer's fault and seek revenge, while America's favorite family try to keep it together.

I was glad to see the bits of gay content in the movie, only one of which (the first one) was kinda bad.  Right in the beginning of the movie, people are in church and all of a sudden Flanders (the evangelical Republican 'do-gooder') stands up saying he has something to announce -- Homer immediately crosses his fingers and starts wishing "gay, gay gay"; that was pretty funny, and could be seen as offensive (more likely) or not.  Homer doesn't like Flanders and wishing Flanders would say he is gay would work as a punishment for Flanders, and that wouldn't be nice, to be gay is not a punishment.  If you read this blog with some frequency, you will know that, usually, I think it is good when an idiot does something negative for the gays; I usually think that people will be repulsed by an idiot's homophobia; but the same reasoning cannot be applied here: Homer is an adored idiot; he is not just a common idiot; so, I don't think audiences would feel repulsed by his bit of homophobia.  On the other hand, Flanders is an evangelical who has marched in the "Walk for the Cure to Homosexuality" and Homer could be wishing he was gay just so that Flanders would come to accept himself as a gay man and stop hating himself and the gays (I know, this interpretation is a stretch...but whatever).

Also on the kinda bad side, Homer almost kisses a (male) pig.  But in the end, I think those two little ambivalent scenes weren't that bad; additionally, we have a few other scenes which were more clearly neutral (or even positive).

Another scene with gay content involves Bart's shocking frontal nudity.  This is actually a weird scene -- I don't really understand why it is there (maybe it is meant to show Bart is growing up; I don't know...).  What happens is, Homer dares Bart to skate to a burger shop naked, and he, of course, accepts the challenge. 

On his naked way to the burger joint he passes in front of Ralph Wiggum, who, after seeing Bart naked says something like: "I like boys now".  So, maybe there's some information on this mysterious character.  Boys can like boys too.

Then, on another scene, Marge is trying to flee from the police, and, as she is walking into this motel room to hide, two male cops get near her -- at that point she is thinking the cops are going to arrest her or something, but they start making out and bulge into one of the motel's room -- making out.  Hot. Nice. Marge walks safely into her hideout.

I kept waiting for Smithers to make out with his gross boss Mr. Burns, but (actually, thankfully), that never happens.

There were a lot of kids in my theater and I think it's nice for them to get used to the idea that men can like men.  The movie opened yesterday and you should see it.

Shock to the System (2006) - LigthShed 10

In Shock to the System: A Donald Strachey Mystery, Chad Allen plays Strachey, the private dick who is a bit of a dick himself.  He parks his car on a handicap spot when the parking lot is wide open; he gives his assistant a hard time about everything; but, he is a smoking hot homo who has no problem flaunting it to the world.

This is the second movie adapting Richard Stevenson's Donald Strachey mystery novels into film -- the first one was Third Man Out (2005).  In Shock to the System, our gay dick goes undercover at an ex-gay institution in order to investigate the death of a client.  Chad hotly handles every situation in which another guy is involved (he is one of those close-talkers, well, at least when it comes to talking to the many studs being investigated).

Hotness abounds.  There is frontal nudity (from the extra you can see in the middle of the pic on the right) and many hot scenes: most of the men in the movie are smoking hot.  And they are mostly much taller than Chad Allen.  Usually, they use all sorts of tricks to even the heights of the main characters, specially when the main character plays a tough guy (did movie makers ever let you notice that Tom Cruise is only, like, 4 feet tall?)  So, that was nice, Chad probably doesn't need to compensate.  And that actually worked for me, it goes to show that you can have a gay, short, dick who can deliver.  Very much so.

A problem I had with the movie is that I didn't really buy the relationship between Chad Allen and Sebastian Spence, who plays his husband (Chad Allen says they are married but the husband refers to him at one point as his partner, but whatever).  Their kisses are kinda cold, fast, barely touching lips.  That was a bit awkward; both are hot guys but there was just no chemistry between them.

Even with the few problems the movie has, you should absolutely not miss this one.  A hot gay private dick?  I'm all for it.  The movie is out on DVD.  Third Man Out (2005), also out on DVD, will soon to be reviewed here.

Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds (2006) - LightShed 10

First. American. Gay. Sequel. Ever.  In Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds our gay Kyle, played by former American Idol contestant Jim Verraros, is dumped by boyfriend Marc (played by Brett Chukerman).  Kyle is then kinda forced into ex-gayness as a plan to bed Troy, played by Marco Dapper.  Troy is not sure whether he is gay or not, so, on a preemptive strike he decides to go to ex-gay meetings, and Kyle is his sponsor.  Kyle hopes to spend enough time with Troy to see him detract from the ex-gay teaching.

From my brief description above you can tell that you will find more than a bunch of hot guys shirtless and making out for your viewing pleasure on Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds. The movie does have a lot of man-on-man action, that's certainly the major attraction.  No doubt.  But there's more.

First, we see the ex-gay movement at play.  It's all very superficially covered, nothing is really serious on the surface, and that's the way it should be on a movie like this, the joke and superficiality show those people in the light they deserve to be shown.   

The movie is always making fun of the ex-gay movement.  "Who would Jesus do?"  reads one post just outside one of the ex-gay meetings.  I thought that was pretty funny.  If you want a serious tone against the ex-gay movement you should head over to Wayne Besen's Truth Wins Out.

Another interesting issue underlying Eating Out 2 is that of the gay obsession with hot bodies.  I don't know if the movie is really concerned with gays becoming even more obsessed with their bodies after seeing the movie, but it is nice to see that our gay Kyle (who is not ugly, but is far from the ideal chiseled Chelsea boy) continues to get action despite his lack of hotness.  I guess that gives solace to a bunch on non-hot gays out there. 

Finally, still on a slightly more serious tone, I think it is just great to see a gay romantic comedy.  The very fact that this is a sequel makes me feels nice.  It makes me feel like gay relationships have been normal for a while...I wish a younger crowd (maybe not too young given the nudity in the movie) could see Eating Out 2, just to feel like they belong and they even have date movies.  I'm not that old, but all I had in my time was the Top Guns and Dirty Dancings of the world and we had to focus on the male lead.  Now we have full-on gay action.  Mega Yay! 

The message of self-acceptance is so positive. I wish closet types and homophobes all over the world could see the movie. 

All right, let's get down to the hotness in the movie.  If you saw Scott Lunsford (pic on the left) on the first Eating Out you would probably think that the producers could not possibly find a hotter replacement.  Lunsford was just way too hot, right? (take a look at his pictures, including a frontal, over at Bent). 

But. Wait. Till. You. See. Marco. Dapper:

Of course, that smile had to come on top of this body:

Can you believe he could have been delivering packages right to your door?  He was "discovered" by a talent scout in Northern California while he was a UPS delivery guy.

Richard had a good description of the hotness in Eating Out 2: "this is another gay flic that delivers enough eye candy to give Oscar Wilde's long dead corpse an erection."  Richard was really into Dapper, with good reason, and you can read his review here.  And forget about the hater reviews, even if they contain a grain of truth.

Two of the hottest guys go full frontal (Dapper and Brett Chukerman seen above on top of each other).  And you'll be glad they did.  You can actually see one frontal right now at Oh La La.  You should really see the other one on the big screen.  Oh, and Brett and Marco can actually act.

The movie opens on November 24 in limited release (according to the official website which also contains the dates of the release in other cities).  Limited release, as you know, often means that Nyla homos will get to see Eating Out 2 first.  Middle-America gays and gays in most parts of the world will have to wait for the DVD.  Oh, and don't leave the theater until after the credits...as was the case with the first Eating Out, there's more after the credits...

Watch the trailer for Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds:

Borat (2006) - LightShed 5

People were crazy to see Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan.  Theaters were packed. 

And have you seen the average critics rating for Borat?  The average is A- according to Yahoo!Movies.  That means the critics think the movie is "almost perfect."  I would certainly not go that far, but the movie is good.  You will laugh hard, even if self-consciously and with guilt, quite a few times.

In Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen plays an idiot from Kazakhstan.  He is sent to the U.S. to survey the way of life of the American people for a Kazakhstani TV show.  He arrives in NY and after watching an episode of Baywatch, he falls in love with Pamela Anderson.  He goes on a quest from NY to L.A. to find her and marry her.

The movie is not a substantial improvement over the Borat skits you see on the Ali G series (which you can watch on DVD).  I actually like the disconnected skits, so, I think that trying to give the movie a plot was not really necessary.  Jackass worked out great without a plot.

Borat is deeply disturbing and deeply disturbed.  He is full of prejudice against a lot of people, but he clearly concentrates on the Jews.  I think Sacha chose the Jews as a big target because he is Jewish himself and thinks that that gives him some sort of license...Some people say his jokes would not be funny if he were not Jewish.  And I have to agree, but does that give him a license to make fun of other groups as well?  Should Gays, people of African descent, and women be offended since Sacha is not gay, black or female?

In this kind of movie, the light on the gays would be positive if the main character (Borat) was actually homophobic.  Remember, he is an idiot.  Completely clueless.  Every single thing he does and thinks is wrong.  So, were he to like gays, or be gay himself (even worse), would actually work against us.  That's my theory anyway.  That of course needs to be coupled with movie-goers actually having some sense of right and wrong to be able to tell that the joke is on the racist, homophobic and intolerant.  The whole thing is a harsh criticism.  Right?  And people should be able to see that.

Having said that, my assessment of the movie's gay content is actually slightly positive, although I am still a little unsure about that.  My biggest concern on the matter was voiced by The New York Times: "some people are too stupid and too racist to understand that the joke is on them".  And that might very well be true.  I don't doubt there will be copycats playing out Borat's ignorance like that was something to be proud of.

Anyway, we did have quite a bit of gay content, which I will discuss after the jump.

[SPOILER AHEAD]

Babel (2006) - No Gay Content

Man, there was so much suffering going on in this movie.  Babel will get you down, so go see it if you are in the mood for a somber movie. 

Here we have a bunch of stories that are somehow connected.  I like that type of movie, sort of Crash, sort of 21 Grams...that kind of deal.  Not as good though.

In Babel we see Brad Pitt married to Cate Blanchett.  They are on a trip to Morocco and she gets shot. 

A Mexican nanny takes two American kids down to Mexico for her son's wedding, without the knowledge of the kids' parents. 

A deaf horny Japanese girl is coping with her predicament with her rich daddy. 

It is a good movie, but too slow and sad for me.  No gay content.

Shortbus (2006) - LightShed 10

I was expecting way more from Shortbus.  The movie was okay, it wasn't bad, but I was expecting something of the caliber of Hedwig, and Shortbus is amateurish in comparison with John Cameron Mitchell's debut.

In Shortbus, we follow a bunch of people who are experimenting with their sexuality in an attempt to find happiness and let people penetrate them, emotionally.  In New York.  Cute, right?

The main characters in Shortbus include Sook-Yin Lee, playing a sex therapist who never had an orgasm, and Paul Dawson and PJ DeBoy, playing a gay couple entertaining an open relationship. 

I knew about all the genitalia in the movie, erections everywhere, orgies and all, and I went into the movie thinking it was really just going to be an excellent mainstream porn movie.  But it is not at all like that, you should really believe when you read the movie is about sexuality, not porn.  Although the countless sex scenes are very candid, you don't really see porn anywhere.  Most of those scenes carry a quite heavy emotional content. 

I guess for that reason alone the movie deserves to be seen.

You see all sorts of sexual orientations in Shortbus, and although some of the scenes may be a tad shocking (nothing too bad though I don't think), the positive message of acceptance was everywhere.

The soundtrack was superb.  I can't wait for it to come out on November 7.  I saw the movie in the Vancouver International Film Festival, but you can check if it's playing in a theater near you, here.

Unfortunately, most of the reviews I read were harsh.  The trailer is here.

Jackass: Number 2 (2006) - LightShed 10

Wow, what have we come too?  Jackass: Number 2 opened this weekend to (much) better reviews than All The King's Men, one of the most anticipated movies for this fall season.  It was also the number one movie of the weekend.  You can find a bunch of reviews for Jackass here, and for All The King's Men here.

In Jackass: Number 2, Johnny Knoxville and his posse continue to create the craziest, dumbest skits just to hurt themselves, and entertain us.  And that they deliver.  It's all a big, entertaining, bruise fest.  You can't look away.

I think that of the super-straight oriented shows, Jackass is the one I like the most, and it's nice of Johnny Knoxville to acknowledge the many gay Jackass fans.  On Conan O'Brien (is Conan a little homophobic?  I really like him, but I'll keep my eyes open) Johnny talked about his cover shoot for Out magazine, and said that with the amount of naked guys on his skits, it would be impossible not to have gay fans.  Go Johnny.

Pretty much every single skit involves someone's ass or penis.  Steve-o drinks beer with his ass (a full bottle), Johnny takes a speeding metal dildo up there, one of the cast wears a pubic hair beard...the list is long.

John Waters makes an appearance too, that's gay.

Jackass is the ultimate guy movie.  The theater I went to was packed with male teenagers. The opening weekend's audience was 66% male, and 71% under 25.  And they didn't hear one homophobic slur or remark, even with the many chances for that, given the amount of male-on-male intimacy going on throughout the movie.  I guess there might have been one or two "cocksuckers" (barely) uttered, but I couldn't really tell because the theater was laughing so hard, and loud. 

Granted, the skits, with their varying degrees of gayness, were all meant for a laugh, but I didn't think the laugh were really at us gays.  The joke was on them, jackasses, literally.

And if there is ever any doubt that these jackasses are gay friendly, remember what one of them (Steve-o) said on September 8 on The Howard Stern Show: "With Jackass we're not trying to act homosexual -- what we're trying to do is rid the world of homophobia.  Homophobics are the creepiest of the creeps." As reported on the October 10 issue of The Advocate, page 24.

Love you Johnny, Love you Steve-o.  Keep up the jackassness going, and don't kill yourselves for us. 

I included lots of Johnny after the jump (including a shower scene of course).

The Brown Bunny (2004) - No Gay Content

Very boring.  This could have been an outstanding short movie, but as a full length flick it was barely watchable. 

In The Brown Bunny, we see that Vincent Gallo's character is a troubled motorcycle racer.  He is trying to get over a girl and we follow him in his journey from New Hampshire (he had a race there) back home to California.  He makes a few stops along the way, makes small talk with a few girls, but during most of the movie we only see him driving, and pensive. 

It was all very artsy, and you may like it actually, the scenes were mostly beautiful, introspective, and either quiet or with a nice soundtrack.  But none of that worked for me -- not much happens most of the time.  I do know this is the whole point of this type of 'artsy' movie, I guess you are supposed to just see how the character is dealing with his issues, in a quiet manner, but again, not for me  -- I prefer to see a little more action.

I say The Brown Bunny could have been a truly excellent short film because the little that does happen in the movie, the little actual acting involved, the little lines delivered, were all superb.  Every cameo was perfect.  Chloë Sevigny's small amount of screen time, unforgettable.  But again, the movie is very boring in between the real action scenes.

The controversial and much talked about scene is really explicit.  In the scene, a sex scene of course, Chloe gives Vincent a blow job -- and she really does blow Vincent Gallo.  Totally "I can't believe it's not porn" material.  You can get a glimpse of that scene, including Vincent Gallo's erect shaft, here (certainly not safe for work!). 

No gay content.

Shadowboxer (2006) - LightShed 5

Good movie. 

In Shadowboxer, Cuba Gooding Jr. and Helen Mirren are a couple and contract killers, oh, and stepmother and stepson.  They are hired to kill a pregnant Vanessa Ferlito, who plays the wife of a nasty mob kingpin (Stephen Dorff).  As Helen is about to shoot Vanessa, she starts to have her baby and Helen decides to protect mother and baby.

The movie is somber but somehow not as gross as you'd think (considering the edgy stepmother/stepson sex scenes -- they almost make you not pay attention to all the screen time Cuba's butt gets, almost).

Helen and Cuba were dressed by Vivienne Westwood:

The Westwood wardrobe was not the only gay content in Shadowboxer.  We had a bit more for our gay movie review.  In the first scene with gay content, Macy Gray (who plays Vanessa's best friend) is in a bar, and we see a transvestite/tranny sitting there, just chilling.  Macy Gray buys her a drink.  Cute, right?

But then, later, one of Cuba's hits turns out to be a dad who likes to get it from behind from transvestites.  Cuba shows up in drag and as the dad bends over, Cuba shoots him but sees a card written by the guy's son.  That was a bit of negative light (I think it is fair to assume the guy was cheating on his wife, but that is not certain though).

There were quite a few homo-erotic moments.  In the first homo moment, in the beginning of the movie, before Stephen Dorff is about to kill a guy, he kind of caresses the guy's hair a few times.  Gently and sexually almost.  Later, in an after work-out scene, Cuba is in the locker room and a guy passes behind him, very close.  Cuba acknowledges that but is not bothered.

Everybody was hot in the movie.  Stephen Dorff and Cuba were hot beyond belief.  And Stephen goes full frontal.  You can really see the whole thing, right in the middle of a sex scene. 

Stephen is giving it to a lady, and there's quite a bit of agitation outside his room, so he gets out and you see all.  His sizable tool was protected only by a condom.  And it was soft, flaccid, not semi-erect.   

The movie was so sexual that I almost put it in the I Can't Believe It's Not Porn category, but the lack of a hard penis kept the movie out of that club.  An erect penis is where I draw the line.

So, we had two diverse, uncommon couples, Cuba and Helen, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Mo'nique.  I almost wanted a gay couple included, but was glad there was none. 

The couples, as nicely diverse as they were, turned out to be disturbingly dysfunctional.  Helen and Cuba were stepmother/stepson, and Joseph and Mo'nique were pretty screwed up, she a crack whore and Joseph a mob physician.  So, I was glad us gays were not equated.

Watch the trailer after the jump.