Queer Beacon

Leeches! (2003) - No Gay Content

By Guest Reviewer Tottyland

The name David DeCoteau has never really been synonymous with quality and it isn't here. It's the usual silliness coupled with a lot of male flesh.

The plot, for what it is, involves giant leeches that are slowly taking out a college swim team. The chaps all die in long drawn out scenes usually with little on, while the girls are bumped off fast enough to avoid spoiling the real purpose of the film. Plot holes abound but that's to be expected (there is one major jump-off-the-sofa-and-shout-at-the-TV flaw). As a victim can escape the leeches just by moving away slowly, they have to be immobile so Josh Henderson's character gets tied up, Trevor Harris' passes out, and Matt Twining's can't get up a pool ladder. To top it all the plot twist at the end looks tacked on, and it probably is.

The cast consists of television stars like Josh Henderson, soap actors such as Matt Twining, and DeCoteau regulars like Michael Lutz, Greg Lyczkowski and Trevor Harris. You know what to expect: bad acting and lots of eye candy.

In summary, better watched with the volume down, with remote in hand.

IMDb page for Leeches! here. [QB Note: Tottyland is right on the money with his review, take a look at some of the scenes from "Leeches!":]

[More at Tottyland.]

The United States of Leland (2003) - LightShed 5

Good movie. 

Here, Ryan Gosling is an apparently normal teenager, who is sent to a juvenile detention center: something to do with a crime involving a mentally challenged kid.  The kid's sister (played by Jena Malone) and Ryan are excellent in the movie.  Kevin Spacey plays Ryan's father, he is a prick, a famous writer.  Don Cheadle is a wannabe writer and a teacher at the juvenile center and he wants to get something out of Ryan's experience.  Our girlfriend Michelle Williams has a small part in the movie.

Now to our gay movie review.  In one scene, Don Cheadle is sort of stalking Kevin Spacey at a hotel bar, but Kevin quickly recognizes Don Cheadle as a fan and a wannabe writer who just wants to suck up for help in the publishing world.  So, Kevin tries to keep Don away by saying that he, Kevin, is not a fag and does not want to fuck Don, so Don has no chance of actually approaching him.  Not too nice, but Kevin doesn't say it in a bad way actually.  In any event, Kevin Spacey is an asshole in the movie, so it's all good for us.

The soundtrack was very good too.  Oh, and I think Kevin Spacey is gay.  But then again, I think everyone is...

Dot The I (2003) - LightShed 5

Bad movie.  Great plot with truly remarkable twists and all, but the movie is unfortunately unwatchable.

Here, Natalia Verbeke plays a Spanish girl about to get married.  On her hen night, she goes out with a bunch of girls, all in drag king outfits, with fake mustaches and all.  The maitre d' of the joint asks Natalia to perform this French ritual which requires her to kiss another guy one last time.  She chooses Gael Garcia Bernal, who plays a Brazilian in the movie (he is actually Mexican).  The kiss goes way too well.

The acting is risible at best.  You would not believe it's the same Gael who lead Bad Education and Motorcycle Diaries.  I guess he needs firm directing hands. 

Now our queer review.  In the hen night scene, one of Gael's friends points to the table with the hen party girls and says: "Lesbians!" He sort of laughs and says something like: "Hey, whatever rocks your boat!"  Good light, right?  Oh, when Gael is about to kiss Natalia, he removes her fake mustache.  That's ok though, I don't like guys with mustache either.

Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) - LightShed 8

Good movie.  Here, Diane Lane is a writer who just got a divorce.  She goes to Italy and buys a house on a whim in hope of finding a new life.  Great feel good movie.  You gotta rent it.

Our gay content is super sweet.  Diane Lane first goes to Italy with a gift from a lesbian couple (Sandra Oh is one of them).  The trip starts with a gay bus ride.  Yay!  Diane Lane is very cool about it all.  Raoul Bova is her catch.  Look at him:

11:14 (2003) - No Gay Content

One of the most interesting plots I have seen in a long time.  Interesting enough to attract Hilary Swank for a supporting role.  Well, but Patrick Swaize also has a supporting role, so I don't know what happened.  The movie just didn't work, there was no direction.  It was every man on his own here.  I bet the writer insisted on also directing the movie.  Bad mistake. 

In the movie, two deaths occur early on and we come to see how the deaths are very interestingly related.  It felt like reading The Da Vinci Code, it was awful but the plot was so interesting that you just couldn't stop reading it.  In the Da Vinci Code, the writing is bad, in 11:14 it is the film-making that is bad.  It would have been a great movie if it had the dynamics of a movie like Go.   

One scene involves a guy running holding his buddy's penis in his hand -- I kid you not.  He goes: "ewwww."  But I guess anyone would react the same way if carrying a dismembered penis.  No gay content anyway. 

In summary, the movie is not good but I guess you can't rent it on a long vacation or something.

Monster (2003) - LightShed 8

I saw the movie in the theater when it came out, and I kid you not, I am just recovering from it.  Heavy stuff.  The movie tells us the story of Charlize Theron's character, a lesbian serial killer and the circumstances which helped create a monster.  Hands down, the best performance I have ever seen in my life.  Charlize is guaranteed to shatter your heart into pieces. 

It was difficult for me to rate this movie because it can easily be construed as a negative image for the gays.  We have a serial killer, and we have a pretty unreliable lover, not well played by Christina Ricci, and I love Christina Ricci (but she stank here).  However, after thinking about Charlize's character's circumstances, all her misery, and how loving she tries to be sometimes and how she just cannot get anything good to happen with her life, I could not give the movie a Shipwreck rating.  The portrayal of the serial killer is touching enough to make you almost root for her happiness.  The movie leads us to see her as a result of a society that does not deal well with poor girls.  Hence, the good LightShed score.

Best performance ever.  Seriously.  If you haven't already, you have got to get out now, and rent the movie.  Pack up on Kleenex.  Be generous on the Kleenex, you'll need it.

Off the Map (2003) - Shipwreck 4

Good movie.  I started thinking the movie was awful, really bad.  But it got better.  Here, Sam Elliott is battling depression.  Jim True-Frost is an IRS agent who goes to the middle of nowhere place where Sam Elliott lives with his family on a $5,000 income.  The IRS agent falls for Sam Elliott's wife, played by Joan Allen, and decides to stay.  Sam Elliott is pretty good in the movie.

There is quite a bit of male bonding in the movie, but nothing major, and far from gay.

But there is gay content.  Bad gay content.  In the first 10 minutes of the movie Sam Elliot's daughter, a girl played by Valentina de Angelis says J.K. Simmons' character is a "little light in the loafers."  J.K. is Sam's best friend in the movie.  When Joan Allen asks what's that supposed to mean, the girl goes: "it means he's queer."  The girl had been happy J.K. went way, although that could be because the supposed queer would be after her father - who is married to her mother.  But not nice in a little girl.  And the parents are super nice and grown up, not hicks, so it is a bit confusing that the girl got homophobia all on her own.  The Shipwreck rating is not lower because later in the movie we learn that the girl is very very fond of J.K.  Shame on the movie anyway.