Angry Post - Stefano Gabbana and Self-Hate

I have a little time off from school and thought I might as well use some of that free time for something constructive.  Like hating on a few idiots.

I'll start with Stefano Gabbana.  Look at what he said: "I am opposed to the idea of a child growing up with two gay parents. A child needs a mother and a father. I could not imagine my childhood without my mother. I also believe that it is cruel to take a baby away from its mother." [via Towle]

I am just livid.  First of all, he is wrong on his account of gays as parents.  You can check out many positive references for gay parenting in the comments to this great post by Seattle's Dan Savage (the post is about Mary Cheney's pregnancy, I saw it first on Joe). Children raised by gay parents are just as good as the children raised by straight parents. 

So, my best bet for a comment like the one from Stefano Gabbana is that he thinks he is himself a bad person and will be a bad father, and newsflash to Stefano: this will happen whether you try to have a kid with a man or a woman.  Even worse, he probably thinks that by having a kid with a woman he can still say he is a father (and try to ooze responsibility, maybe?), while avoiding real parental duties.  He will probably be able to dump the kid on the woman, like a straight jerk would. 

The other possibilities I can think of are all just as bad.  He may just be dumb and inconsequent.  We see examples of that dangerous combination everyday.  Do I need to name names? 

Also, Stefano may just be a self-hating gay, and we know there are many of those out there.  You would think that self-hate would not exist in an out gay man, because the out gay man does not have to lie about who he is, does not have to marry a girl, make people suffer etc.  Out gay men tend to live around other gays and see that we are normal people.  Something that would prevent an idiotic comment like the one from Stefano.  So, if Stefano is a self-hater we come to the conclusion above, if he is not a self-hater, we are lead to the conclusion that the gays surrounding Stefano Gabbana left him with the worst impression of the gays.  That would be the reason why he thinks gays should not be parents, because he has a poor, negative bias towards the gays due to his bad and limited experience. 

As I have done before, I invite you to lay out your reason for a statement like that of Stefano.  I'll probably believe it.

Now let's get down to business.  Recently, we have seen haters apologize left and right.  Mel Gibson did it - note though that I have seen apologies for his anti-Semitic remarks, but not for his homophobic remarks, which are older and just as nasty.  Michael Richards is doing it.  Jennifer Hudson tried it, but unsuccessfully I think.  I applaud the apologies.  They are needed.  But, alone, they are far from enough.  They are not enough because they need to be credible, and to me credibility would only attach when those haters donate money, serious 7-figure money, to organizations that seek to diminish and prevent the hate they disseminated. 

To get back to the Stefano Gabbana case, I must say I will only consider even looking into anything Dolce & Gabbana after Stefano (i) apologizes to the gays in general and to all gay parents and kids of gay parents in particular, and (ii) donates handsomely to organizations like PFLAG.

Gays, we need to wise up and care about these things.  Statements like the one from Stefano hurt our rights.  You may think you do not need equal rights now, but you may fall in love, you may want a kid and you might very well suffer without the rights we need to fight for now. 

Addresses and a phone number for Dolce & Gabbana after the jump (the info was provided by a commenter over at Towle).

Dolce and Gabbana Public Relations
Via Goldoni, 10
20129 Milano
Italy

D&G Public Relations
Via Giuseppe Broggi, 23
20129 Milano
Italy

Dolce and Gabbana USA, Inc.
660 Madison Avenue
New York, NY 10021
212.750.0055

Comments

[honda-radio]

Thx! :)

[Queer Beacon]

Hay AC, I thought I was a bad writer, but your comment shows that writing can always be worse. You try (and fail miserably) to address too many issues at once...

First of all, I think that when you accept yourself, a lot of the concerns you raise about gay parenting will go away. Your prejudiced and self-hating views of the gays is your problem, and you need to deal with it.

As for children of gay parents, there is overwhelming evidence that they do just as well as children of straight couples. You experienced the love of your mother and father as a child would experience the love of two mothers, or two fathers. You are wrong on your account, it's that simple. I will cite a few recent studies that prove you squarely wrong:

1.- Bos, Henny M. W., Frank Van Balen & Dymphna C. Van Den Boom, "Child Adjustment and Parenting in Planned Lesbian-Parent Families" (2007) 77 American Journal of Orthopsychiatry 38

2.- Pawelski, James G. et al., "The Effects of Marriage, Civil Union, and Domestic Partnership Laws on the Health and Well-being of Children" (2006) 118 Pediatrics 349

3.- Wainright, Jennifer L., Stephen T. Russell & Charlotte J. Patterson, "Psychosocial Adjustment, School Outcomes, and Romantic Relationships of Adolescents With Same-Sex Parents" (2004) 75 Child Development 1886

It is very dangerous to generalize over chosen (bad) examples, and that's what you and Gabbana are doing.

Anyway, thank you for your comment (even though I disagree with every word you had to say). I wish you the best; I hope you can be happy someday ;-)

[AC]

I am sorry to tell you, but yours is just another opinion. And given the context it deserves no merit. What is missing from the world is family values, love and compassion. Having said that, as a gay man I understand the dynamics of a gay relationship. My mother is the love of my life and my only heart and soul, my father nor any man could never give that to me in all these capacities and more. It remains to be seen how good of parents a gay couple can be. We do not have love in the community for what is wholesome and everlasting. We have perverse interests in instant gratification and pleasure. How truly sad we are. And it pains me that I am being represented by childish bullies who cowardly hide behind discrimination laws as their anchor. There are too few gay couple who are really in love and have put their soul on their sleeves for their partner. Being gay is more than just being attracted to the same sex.... Don't you understand this? How can you justify our transgressions? Why do you bother? The problem is, despite all the problems with heterosexual couples, the bond that they can have with one another could not even be imagined by most gay men. But I can imagine it, and it is the most beautiful thing in life. "We" do not have many options for this kind of love and eternal happiness. Therefore we will always lack something that keeps us safe, warm, and genuine. Please stop standing up for "us"... You do not represent me and many others. There are many people out there that refuse to be gay because they hate themselves for this horrible affliction. Much more than anyone thinks. So they will never be represented. Maybe if more gay men understood this, we would stop our nonsensical assault on society. It is not ok to be gay. You are paying such a high price for this. And the problem is, is that you probably do not understand what you are missing.

[Esss]

Oh come on , he is gay yes but being gay doesn't mean he can not have a desire for having a baby his own.I think, it sad because on the one hand he wants to have his own and on the other hand he wouldnt because he doesn't want any baby without mother.I really think its sad...

P.s : i am a straight woman and i am a mother myself)

[marcus]

Disgusting...

Aren't you part of the tolerance crowd? Funny how anyone who disagrees with you (even one of your own) is called ignorant, dumb, an idiot, hypocrite, self-hater, etc. You folks are the hypocrites because you preach what you do not practice.

[Fred V]

If you're looking to celebrities (however major or minor) for wisdom on social issues, please remember that your mileage may vary. This is a case in point.

[Queer Beacon]

Hey Folks! Thankx for the comments.

Jimbo, I agree with what you say, but I believe that some of the social comments uttered by those people (movie and sports stars, famous people in general) end up making their way into people's heads. I assume that at least some people will be affected by those comments. For that reason, I think we should single those comments out whenever we can, and say that they are wrong, based on idiotic notions of the world etc. If anything, singling those comments as something idiotic will help cement your point of view (that famous people say stupid things and have a distorted perception of life).

Oh, and did I mention that I love when famous bloggers leave comments?

[Marc]

Maybe he meant that kids should have four gay parents?

There's no telling.

[homer]

What a miserable, miserable person.